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A week on the Super Nintendo and Mega Drive diet

For our Focus Week, I’ve decided play purely on old consoles, such as Super Nintendo, Game Boy and Mega Drive. Despite enjoying the nostalgia, I missed my PC sooner than I’d have liked.

The feeling of popping a game into the Super Nintendo with a lush click is still extremely satisfying to this day. I then flip the big, bulky switch upwards and the picture comes on – marvellous. This physical element gives old consoles a down-to-earth feel. It’s something I miss in modern machines, in spite of all their graphic splendour.

The retro experience already starts during unboxing. Especially the Mega Drive (also known as Sega Genesis) games, which come in a bulky case the size of a VHS tape, and include detailed instructions. It makes me feel like I’m getting something for my money. With current games, on the other hand, it’s the polar opposite. Some don’t even include a disc anymore, just a slip of paper with the download code.

A week as a spoiled console kid

Now I just have to imagine that I’m a spoiled child of disinterested parents who was given not one, but four consoles. Everyone had at least one friend like that back then. Without a console of my own, I was the freeloader, always inviting myself round to game at others’ houses.

OK, let the games commence.

Day 1: kicking off with Zelda

The next stumbling block awaits me in the castle. Link lights his lantern to brighten the dark rooms. The light beam moves parallel to the character and turns as fast as I press the control pad. As everything is pitch black except for the beam of light, I find the direction changes very exhausting. It’s giving memories of first-gen VR glasses. Having said that, it’s not quite as bad, and after a few moments, I’ve fortunately left the room.

It may not look dramatic, but when playing, I found the abrupt changes in direction very unpleasant.

I have to bite another bullet during dialogues. They’re not set to music. But I can live with that. What’s worse is I actually have to read them. I detest text boxes. But otherwise, I wouldn’t know where to go next. There’s no quest log or anything similar.

The setbacks keep coming thick and fast. For 30 rubies, a fortune teller gives me a clue I’ve already known for a long time. I wish I could rewind, like in our longplay of The Legend of Zelda.

Oh well, normally the rickety second controllers are reserved for guests, but I guess I can’t do anything about that. Slowly, I start to get more into it, but by then it’s already time for bed. And not because my mum will threaten to switch off the power if I don’t. But because I’m 40, have kids and need my sleep.

Day 2: Addam and Indi

Addam’s Family is a typical platformer à la Super Mario. I control Addam, who fights his way through a castle full of hovering teapots and fire devils. I’ve no idea what that has to do with the films. The same goes for the stove, which I have to turn off.

My mental strength is challenged after just a few minutes. Getting the timing right to dodge these fire devils takes practice. As a gamer who’s used to quickloading, this really tries my patience. It’s not long before I see the game-over screen for the first time. That’s enough for me for the time being. And we venture on with, drumroll, please: Indiana Jones – Greatest Adventures.

Game adaptations of Hollywood blockbusters were commonplace in the 90s. It’s not all soulless brand sell-outs, whose only highlight is a cover that’s easily recognisable. Indiana Jones is a solid platformer with a familiar soundtrack. However, the game itself is almost impossible. Everything wants to kill me: fish, bats, natives – OK, Indiana probably stole some sacred idols from the latter again. And why does everything that I hit with the whip start to burn?

This game is pure stress. I don’t get a second’s breather. Stones are constantly falling on me, mouldy hands emerging from the ground want to give me deadly foot massages and in mid-jump, I get hit by a blowgun projectile. Back to the start. In comparison, «Dark Souls» is a breeze. On the game-over screen, Sean Connery just shakes his head in disappointment.

Eventually, I have to decide whether I want to play all the way through one of these games and spend the whole week on it – or if I’d rather try a bit of everything. To spare my mental state, I opt for the latter.

Day 3: small display, heaps of joy

I’ve ogled at Sega Game Gear since I was a kid. A few months ago, I fulfilled the dream of having my own. However, I haven’t used it much. It’s time to change that. So, I borrowed Shinobi 2 from fellow editor Kevin Hofer. It’s at the top of all the Game Gear rankings. The game involves me taking on the role of not one, but several Shinobi fighters. But I have to release them first.

You see the boss in question at about 12:30 in.

This spider drone’s attack patterns absolutely confound me. I don’t have any time to attack, which isn’t at all fair. At least I have many lives and can carry on the boss fight where I left off. However, they get used up quickly and I have to start all over. Once again, I tell myself to grit my teeth and keep going. 30 failed attempts later, I give up. During that time, I’ve zapped half of the boss’s lives, but that’s all I can do.

Day 4: saving – no such luck

I stick with Sega but move things up a gear. It’s the Mega Drive’s turn. The highlights are still the large game cases and plugging them into the console. Also, the tube TV, with its big round button and typical sad trombone sound when it’s switched on, never ceases to put a smile on my face.

My grin disappears briefly as the intro to Gunship flickers across the screen. The text is accompanied by deafening shooting noises that sound as if the Mega Drive has crashed. In contrast, the rain in Zelda sounds like relaxing music to fall asleep to.

The baller intro starts from ten seconds and sounds much more hellish on my old TV than on the PC.

Time for something uplifting. How about Aladdin? I always used to play this at the department store Vilan (now Manor). I never made it beyond the first level before the sales assistants shooed me away. Today, no one’s driving me away from my squashy sofa. In terms of sound and design, both are still excellent. As in the 1992 Disney animation, the game starts in the oriental city of Agrabah, where sabre-wielding guards are out to kill me.

Day 5: the end is near – fortunately

My retro week is coming to an end. Thank goodness. Despite the fact I like old consoles, I’d rather fire up my PC. But I have to persevere. This evening, I’m treating myself to a really great classic: Super Mario World. That’s another game I primarily used to play on worn-out machines in shopping centres.

Somehow, I finally make it to the end of the level. The saving goalposts are only a few metres away, and I already want to sit back and relax. That’s when a damn football from one of the Koopa hooligans hits me on the backside. You’ll see the red hand print on my forehead for days.

Once I finally reach Wendy’s Castle, I have one life left. Now it’s getting serious. Dodge dinosaur bones, easy. Then jump up with the spring feature. Of course, just at that moment, a pointed column from the ceiling falls on top of me. I’d now need to redo the two previous levels again. Forget it. I’d rather end my retro diet with the game I started with: The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past.

Verdict: old, annoying, but also charming

This experiment clarifies how enormously games have evolved over the last few decades. They offer more gameplay freedom, fewer dead ends, and are better structured to give players the greatest experience possible. Today’s games are incredibly versatile. Everything’s covered. From Hollywood-calibre action adventures, to complex puzzle games that turn everything on its head, to absurd goat simulators that are purely for entertainment.

That’s not to say I didn't have fun with my retro diet. The physical element of game cartridges, in terms of putting them in with a satisfying click, beats any digital play button. The simplicity of these games also has its charm. There aren’t a thousand distractions in the form of quests, collecting tasks and other bits and pieces. Get Indiana to the end of the level in one piece – done. At best, it gets a pixelated nod from Sean Connery.

What’s more, avoiding videos, podcasts and other distractions enhanced the experience. I got more involved with the games than I do with their modern counterparts, where it’s all too quick and easy to reach for your phone or Alt+Tab to YouTube.

I’m glad I’ve finally spent a bit of time with my old consoles. While they hardly stand a chance against the flood of new games coming in the future, I’ll still continue to collect them. Because even if they gather dust on the shelf, they’ve got a permanent place in my heart.

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As a child, I wasn't allowed to have any consoles. It was only with the arrival of the family's 486 PC that the magical world of gaming opened up to me. Today, I'm overcompensating accordingly. Only a lack of time and money prevents me from trying out every game there is and decorating my shelf with rare retro consoles. 


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